Earlier this year I was at the doctor’s office for some test results and was given news I was none too happy with. My diabetes was out of control and I had 3 months to bring my sugars back down to an acceptable level or I was being put on insulin. I know for a lot of people, this is the inevitable result of type 2 diabetes, but for me, it was devastating. I left the doctor’s office and spent the afternoon in tears. Not because I was facing the possibility of being on insulin, but because I had let my health get so far out of my control that this was what I was facing. I was so angry and hurt with myself I just didn’t know what else to do so I cried and I had a big old pity party.
A few people I spoke to tried to cheer me up by telling me insulin wasn’t so bad. A lot of people with diabetes ended up on it. I wanted to throw those people off buildings. I get a lot of people in my life who have no problem sitting and commiserating with me because they think that’s what I want. It’s not. For those of you reading this who find yourself doing that with me, or with anyone, stop doing it. I already feel bad, I don’t need you telling me feeling bad is ok. What I want is for you to tell me I’m stronger than the pity and sooking and tell me to get off my fat behind and make changes, not pass me the pity tissues and tell me it’s ok to be upset.
Anyway. The very few people who reminded me no one can or will change what’s wrong with me but me, thanks. You are the ones who made me get off my ever widening behind and take the steps in the right direction. I started that night. I listed all the things in my life that made me unhappy and I found a way to change each and every one of them. Then I put all those plans in action.
I changed everything about me that made me unhealthy. Inside and out. And the first thing I did was enlist my best friend to take the journey with me. He wanted to get his cholesterol levels down anyway, the doctor told him they were too high and he was facing some pretty serious health issues if he didn’t change them. A support system to keep you going, pick you up when you fall, cheer you on when you’re going strong, and be by your side through everything, is the number two most important thing ever when making major changes in your life. The number one most important thing.. ATTITUDE. If you want to make changes but your attitude sucks, why did you bother to even try? You’ll never succeed if your own attitude is holding you back. But if you can look at yourself in the mirror, see every single flaw about yourself and decide right then and there that you WILL change those things. You WILL succeed.
It’s not going to happen over night. I’m severely overweight. Morbidly obese is the medical term. I have rolls on rolls. I can’t hide this fact. I don’t hide this fact. I have taken slack because I have dared to call myself fat. Well whoop de doo. I’m a girl too, I don’t deny that either but for some reason calling myself fat is horribly wrong in some people’s eyes. Tough cookies folks. I’m fat! This doesn’t mean I’m proud of it or putting myself down, it means I know what I am and I’m not denying it. It took me a long time to put this weight on, years. I’m not going to get rid of it by tomorrow unless I want to go spend thousands of dollars and have a plastic surgeon cut it off me. And while that would be awesome! It’s not going to guarantee that I won’t then turn around after I heal and eat all the same things and gain it all right back. I need a proper plan to fix the inside and out and make the fat go away and stay away.
Let me pause here and say that the word DIET is a terrible word. It should be stricken from all languages on the planet. I do not use it, I am not on a diet, do not ask me if I’m on a diet, do not praise me for my dieting. I hate the word and everything it stands for. I do not diet. I will never diet again. Why? Because dieting reduces you to a number. A set ideal the world wants you to be. How I look and feel is not decided on by the world. You don’t get to tell me what you think I should look like. That’s all my decision. I am not a number. I am a person and when I feel good, look good (to me) then I know I have arrived at exactly the place I want to be.
I want to be healthy. Inside and out. This means I want to walk without pain. I want to not feel heavy after I eat. I want to see all my internal numbers look good. I want to get out of bed in the morning without having to move in slow motion because otherwise the pain makes me want to lay down and die. I want to step on the scale and not see a number that makes me sad. I want to look in the mirror and not hate the body I have from the neck down.
So here’s what I decided to do: Avoid everything made with white flour, switch to whole wheat. Avoid white rice. Stop eating egg yolks altogether. Very lean cuts of meat. Watch portion sizes. Increase vegetables and fruit. Have 3 nights a week with no meat at all. And read labels. Light does not always mean better, no sugar added also not always good for you. Eat small meals 3 times a day and have 2 small healthy snacks. That way your body doesn’t feel hungry and it is always burning calories and your energy increases. I cook everything myself so I know there’s nothing in it that I shouldn’t eat. Avoid fast food. It’s fast and unhealthy. Avoid deep fried foods. And stick with it! Incorporate beans, not the ones with all the sugar sauces. Beans they are great for reducing cholesterol. I love black beans and use them for meat substitute. Red meat is bad for cholesterol so I try to only have 3-6 ounces a week. I eat a lot more chicken, turkey, pork, and fish now. Get a good sleep every night.
I don’t weigh myself often. That’s a number and I’m not a number. I noticed a reflection of myself in September and I only had 1 extra chin instead of 3. I was floored. That’s when I found out what I had been doing made me lose a ton of weight. I still don’t get hung up on it. I happened to step on the scale at my sisters the other morning because I saw it when I got up. I’ve not set a time limit or a weight limit on myself, I’ll know when I’m there.
It’s almost the end of November, not many months since I started this journey. I haven’t really done any exercising as of yet, there are still some joint pain issues I have to deal with, but I’m down almost 70 pounds. That’s more than one of my nephews weighs. That blows my mind. All of this just because I changed what and how I eat. And how I see things in my life. As of yet, nothing more. There will be a time when exercise comes back into my daily routine. I’m not in a great deal of rush, it’ll happen when it happens. Until them I am enjoying my life, staying positive, eating healthy, sleeping great, and starting work on taking my clothes in because they are getting too big.
I’m happy with my results so far, I’m happy with the direction my life is going. Not everything is perfect, nothing will ever be perfect, and I’m not looking for perfection. I want a calm and peaceful healthy balance of all things in and around my life. If something comes up and I don’t think I can face it alone, I’ll turn to my support system for help and guidance and I’ll get through it. I am not a victim of anything anymore. It’s not who I am or want to be. No matter what comes along I’ll deal with it, with or without help, and I’ll move on. I’ve proven time and time again that I am a very strong woman and I can and will overcome.
And for anyone reading this who wants to start their own healthy new life journey, if you’re looking for a support system, count me in. Send me a message and let me know you want/need some support and I’ll be there for you. I know how hard this journey is when you’re starting out and every helping hand counts.